


Fahrenheit 1800

by Hazel_Inle (orphan_account)



Series: Trust Me [3]
Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Backstory, Diary/Journal, During Canon, Headcanon, Human Experimentation, Interviews, Lobotomy, Other, Pre-Canon, Prison, Psychology, Pyromania, Team Bonding, Team Dynamics, Team as Family, chaste love, records
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-29
Updated: 2016-08-24
Packaged: 2018-05-10 03:17:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5568823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Hazel_Inle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Not much is known about the Pyro, except that they like to set things on fire. But little do the other teammates know, there is so much more to the mumbling firebug. Like how they have many names. Patient 1664, Subject 21156, Prisoner 666, to name a few.</p><p>And each one has a story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Patient # 1664 Medical Journal Entries from the Year 1967

**Author's Note:**

> This is a head cannon and story about Pyro and their relationship with Engineer. Coming up with theories about Pyro is a guilty pleasure of mine, and this is one that I think fits this series the best.
> 
> Thanks, and enjoy! Not all chapters will be like this. Similar, but exactly like this.

_ Patient # 1664 Medical Journal Entries from the Year 1967 _

_All entries were edited by a professional medical specialist for proper study and filing at the Misty Gold Asylum in Lakeway, Texas*. Some entries were lost in the fire later that year, while others were redacted for sensitive material. Some material may be graphic and disturbing. Read at your own risk._

 

* * *

 

 

Dear Diary,

It’s all white. Sickly white. And grey. I can see why those nice young men in their clean white coats wear that color. They want to make sure that the sick people don’t feel alone. All sick people turn white…or at least pale. Maybe that’s why they give us candy before making us have our medicine.

Sick people don’t want their medicine though. Especially this new stuff. I guess it’s because it tastes yucky. It’s bitter and bites at your tongue and slides down your throat like a frog. Gross. But we all have to take it. Some more than others. I get a spoonful. My roommate gets 4…or is it 5? What’s the number after 2? I dunno…I’m sure Dr. Carl told me…I guess I will ask him after my therapy session.  He always answers my questions. Like what’s the number after 2, where is Ha-why-ee, and what are those knitting needles are for.

 

* * *

 

 

Dear Diary,

It’s 3. The number after 2. It’s 3.

Its also really hot. I think the cold air broke. Again.

 

* * *

 

 

Dear Diary,

I forgot something. At least that’s what my roommate tells me. I don’t get it. They expecting me to remember what I forgot just by telling me that I forgot something?

Haha.

Sooner or later someone will tell them that they’re crazy.

They came here a week ago, I think. They say they can hear voices, and that there is more than one person in their body. One is good. The other is bad.

 

* * *

 

 

Dear Diary,

Peter is really nice. He lives in the room across from me. I want him to be my roommate. My roommate is weird. I don’t like them.

Peter likes puzzles. He does them all the time. He says the pretty pictures are fun to create. I saw them. They have no color. They are white too. Just lines. There are hundreds of thousands of pieces. How can he do them? It takes him forever to do them. He sometimes lets me help find the flat side pieces.

I like Peter.

 

* * *

 

 

Dear Diary,

Dr. Carl was acting strange today. Very strange. I asked him why he twiddled his thumbs and toes, and constantly walked around as we talked about my dreams and stuff, today. I don’t think he answered my question, which he has never failed to do in the past. Instead, he just stared at me and asked if I remember those knitting needles I use? And the toy hammer*? Sure I do. Says don’t tell anyone that comes in here that doesn’t live here about them. They won’t understand.

He seemed…well, I don’t know what he was, but it was weird. I told him he was. He rolled his eyes and said “of course you think I am weird. You can’t feel feer, idiot.” He said. Sometimes idiot is used like one of those terms men in white coats use. It’s professional, they say. But this time, I don’t think it was professional…

Rude.

 

* * *

 

 

Dear Diary,

Fear. That’s a weird word. I hope I got the spelling right this time. My roommate said it waswrong last time I wrote it. But its ok, they said. They won’t come and choke me in my sleep for it this time.

Thanks, roomie! I owe you one! I don’t like being choked. It hurts and makes my insides feel funny, like they wanna come out and disappear.

They said I still was forgetting something. The voices were telling them that I was still forgetting something. I still don’t remember.

 

* * *

 

 

Dear Diary,

My roommate lied. My neck and throat now hurt. It hurts to breathe. Still don’t remember what I forgot.

 

* * *

 

 

Dear Diary,

Dr. Carl was showing a man around the building today. He stood out. He was from the outside. He didn’t fit. He had a red cap. It shone bright. I followed them. Dr. Carl was pointing to all the cold air boxes, talking about how it wasn’t working. The man just nodded and went down some steps. Steps that we can’t go down. I wanted to follow and see more of the red hat. But Dr. Carl said I wasn’t allowed down there. He said I should stay here, where its safe…

Fine…

 

* * *

 

 

Dear Diary,

The cold air is back. It feels so cold. It feels like that white fluff that supposed to fall from the sky on Christmas in the magic box with moving pictures. Its supposed to fall when its cold, right? I feel lazy today. I feel very empty. Tired.

I got a new nurse today. She gave me 2 spoonfuls of medicine today. Not one. Dr. Carl got mad at her. Started yelling. He then hit her like my roommate does sometimes to me. The nurse acted strange. She ran away like it was a game of tag and yelled out, but it wasn’t happy, and not mad, and not sad. I wanted to play tag, but I’m too tired…

 

* * *

  

Dear Diary,

I want to see the red hat again. Red is a pretty color. Its better than white.

 

* * *

 

 

Dear Diary,

I saw something strange. Dr. Carl was doing something by the window. He had white sticks. Then he put one in his mouth. And he took out a small metal box. Siver and shiny. He then opened it and red came out! But more than red! Red, yellow, blue, orange, green, and purple! Rainbows! It was only a small bit. It was the same size as a penny. He put it to the white stick and it changed color! It too was like a rainbow! Then white fog came out of his mouth. It made a cloud…and then he closed the silver box. The rainbows were gone…but they weren’t. Now the tip of the white stick is black and when he breathes, it makes a tiny rainbow, before white clouds came out of his mouth and nose. As he did so, the stick shrunk. When the sick was really really short, he squished it against the white wall, made a black spot, and the white fog coming from it disappeared. He then threw the stick out the window and closed it.

He can do magic…

 

* * *

 

 

Dear Diary,

I asked him to do the magic today. He looked at me funny. Like he did something bad and I had caught him doing it. He didn’t want to. I was sad. I said I wanted to see the rainbows. I wanted to see color! After I cried, he took out the silver box and opened it. The rainbow came out! I stopped and just watched it. I wanted to touch it, but he stopped me. He said that rainbows were not to touch. That they were very pretty, but you can’t touch them. Fine. I only wanted to see them anyway. He wouldn’t let me hold the box. He said if I was good on my next session, I can see the rainbow again.

 

* * *

 

 

Dear Diary,

I miss the rainbows. Its too white here.

 

* * *

 

 

Dear Diary,

The cold air stopped again. Dr. Carl kept saying its fucking hot. I don’t know what that means, but he looked almost mad. I guess fucking isn’t a good thing.

 

* * *

 

 

Dear Diary,

I said the word fucking to my roommate. They said I was being bad for saying it. They hit my head against the white brick walls of our room. They said I wasn’t remembering still. They said I was stupid. They said I was blind. They said I was being fooled by liars. That we all were fools. They said all men in white coats are liars. They said the voices told them so.

I saw red again. It was pretty. It was like paint, on those white walls. I put my hand to my ear. Red paint was coming from me. It was pretty…but I hurt. There was ringing. It was high.

Then black. Nothing.

I woke up in a bed with white cloth wrapped around my ear and head. They took away my hair. They said it was to get to the wound. They said I was lucky. Lucky for what? I asked them.

Lucky I didn’t d-I, they said.

 

* * *

 

 

Dear Diary,

I hurt. They give me new white cloths every day all the time. I get a room to myself. Its lonely. Dr. Carl come to me now. He now shows me rainbows every day. He asked me if I could hear from my ear a sound. I heard nothing. He asked if my head hurt. I said I hurt all the time. He gave me two spoonfuls of medicine. I asked about my roommate.

He said they were [REDACTED]

I asked what that meant.

He said it meant I would be getting a new roommate.

I asked where they went.

He said that they went to see a man named god.

I asked when they were coming back.

He said they were never coming back.

 

* * *

 

 

Dear Diary,

I’m tired of the white walls. I’m tired of being alone. I’m tired of being in this room.

 

* * *

 

 

Dear Diary,

I get to go to my new room tomorrow. I don’t know how long I’ve been here. Its been forever.

 

* * *

 

Dear Diary,

My roommate does nothing. She just stares. Stares at the wall. Stares at the floor. Stares at me. Her eyes are strange. They look but don’t see. Its weird. I don’t like it.

I just don’t like it.

 

* * *

 

 

Dear Diary,

The man with the red hat came back. He was here for the cold boxes again. This time Dr. Carl was busy. Busy putting knitting needles in someone’s eyes. He looked bored. I don’t like being bored either. He also looked sort of mad. I decided to make him happy.

I said hello. He jumped and backed into a corner. Was that a game? What was he doing?

I asked him if he was here to fix the cold boxes. He said he was, but was wondering where Dr. Carl was. I said he was busy. I remember Dr. Carl telling me to keep quiet about what he plays with. Said it was a secret between him and I.

I told him I liked his red hat. That I liked how bright it was in this white place. He smiled at me. He asked if I liked any other colors. I said I liked all colors, since I never see them. I told him about the pretty rainbows that Dr. Carl makes with a small silver box, and he looked like he didn’t know what I was talking about. He looked like Peter when he was doing a puzzle in his room. I tried to explain, but Dr. Carl came out of his office. I guess he was done with his game. He looked surprised to see me, but not in a good way. He looked strange again. He told me to go back to my room and be good. I asked if I could see the rainbows if I was good, and if I could show the nice man. He said no.

Fine…

 

* * *

 

 

Dear Diary,

I liked that man with the red hat. He acted strange at first, but he was amazing afterwards. He was really nice. He spoke funny, though. Kind of like some of those people who ride horses and chase cows in the magic box with the moving pictures. I like his voice…

 

* * *

 

 

Dear Diary,

I want to see the man with the red hat again. I want to know his name. Peter says I can’t. Says I will only be punished. I said I was tired of being bossed around, with people telling me what I can and can’t do. I want to see him again. No one will stop me.

 

* * *

  

Dear Diary,

The cold air is gone. I wonder what happened…

Haha.

 

* * *

 

 

Dear Diary,

He came. I waited for him. Dr. Carl was held up again. Peter was having a fit over nothing.

Haha.

I said hello. He smiled at me and said hello. I love his voice. He asked me how I felt today. I said I was happy, because I was seeing him. His face turned a pretty pink. He asked if it was because of the hat. I said a little. I also liked his voice and how nice he was. His face turned a darker pink. I asked for his name.

Dell. Dell Conagher. He helped me spell it on my hand. He held my hand steady. The words were nice. Neat.

Dell…I like it. I said so. He smiled. I asked him of he only fixes the cold air. He said his job is may-ti-nance. But once he grad-you-ate-s colledge, he will have 11 PHDs. I asked him what that meant. He said it would make people call him a smarty pants at parties. Dr. Carl returned. His coat and hair were messy. I will have to thank Peter. I was told to go back to my room. I did so.

Dell said see you later.

See you later…

 

* * *

 

 

Dear Diary,

I lied. I lied to Dr. Carl about my dreams. I said I had no dreams. I dreamed I was somewhere else, surrounded by rainbows. I was covering a man in them. He was wearing blue. He had a strange face that was blue with holes where his eyes and mouth go. Dell was there and he was smiling with me. He thanked me.

It was a good dream.

 

* * *

  

Dear Diary,

A new man came in today. He was to live with us. And he was loud. His yelling made my ear hurt. I’m glad my left ear is broken. That way I can ignore at least half of him.

 

* * *

 

 

Dear Diary,

He is moving into the room next to Peter. I hear him though the walls. As he yells. He’s so loud. I wish he would stop. He keeps on yelling about nat-Zs. I asked Peter what a nat-Z was. Peter said he didn’t want to find out of the man keeps on yelling about them. I’ll ask Dr. Carl what they are.

 

* * *

  

Dear Diary,

He didn’t tell me. He said I shouldn’t know. That the man was hurt by them, and that was why he was here. I feel sad for the man. He still yells. He says he’s calling all Americans to fight. He says he wishes that he killed the fury himself. That hit-ler should have waited for him. Said he wanted his mus-stash.

I don’t like mus-tashs. They are too scratchy and food gets in them. Its gross.

 

* * *

 

 

Dear Diary,

Peter couldn’t sleep because of the yelling. I went to the man and asked him to stop. He had a shiny bowl on his head. He said no, that we all must fight. I said I don’t see why. He said the nat-Z’s were coming. I said I was tired, and that he should be happy instead of mad. He said he wasn’t mad. He said he was upset that no one believed him. I said that we were safe here. They keep us here to keep us safe from the outside.

He said we were locked here so **we** didn’t hurt the **outside.**

He said he saw people like us in a place called your-up. Said he fought there with a company of soldiers. Said there were camps. That there were walking scele-tons and [REDACTED]. Said it made him scared. I asked him what being scared was. He looked at me like he didn’t know what I meant. He said that it is what you feel when someone points a gun at your head. What you feel when you are about to d-I.

Weird.

I never felt that when I should have d-I-ed. I just didn’t like the hurt.

 

* * *

 

 

Dear Diary,

The man was taken to the pillow room. He was yelling at the cold air boxes. Dr. Carl ordered for him to stay there. I asked how long. He said until he calms down.

 

* * *

 

 

Dear Diary,

He hasn’t calmed down. It’s actually quiet.

Good.

But I miss Dell.

Its been forever.

 

* * *

 

 

Dear Diary,

Cold air boxes broken.

Haha.

 

* * *

 

 

Dear Diary,

Peter is having a fit for no reason.

Haha.

Dell came back. He greeted me with a smile. He looked tired. I asked him why. He said he grad-you-ated and that he was looking for a job. I asked what kind. He said he wanted to be a en-gin-neer. I wished him luck. He thanked me. He said he wanted to build things instead of fix them. I asked him what he would build. He said anything that would help people. I asked if he could build me a unicorn to fly me away from this place.

He was quiet. He asked why I wanted to leave.

I said I wanted colors and that I wanted to be away from the hurt. I said I wanted rainbows. I said I was tired too. Tired of white.

He was quiet. His eyes got shiny. His eyes rained. Was he crying? He shook his head no. He said he couldn’t do that. He said he couldn’t get me out of here. He said he was sorry. I said it was ok.

I’ll find my own rainbows soon. I tried to make him smile. He said he couldn’t at the moment. He said he was upset. Sad. I felt sad too.

Because I made him cry.

 

* * *

  

Dear Diary,

Peter is sick. He said he didn’t feel good. He kept on going to the bathroom. He said his stomach and throat hurt. He started to cough. He was coughing a lot. Red paint came out. It was pretty, but he was hurting. I stayed with him.

 

* * *

 

 

Dear Diary,

Peter was cold when I visited him. He wasn’t moving. His bed was covered in red paint. It was coming out of his mouth. He was white. He looked like he was sleeping. I waited for him to wake up.

I waited.

I waited.

I waited.

 

* * *

  

Dear Diary,

The nurse came in and screamed. She ran out of the room. I wanted to play tag, but I wanted peter to play too.

I waited.

Dr. Carl came in. He forced me out of the room. He told me to stay in mine.

I asked what was wrong.

He said Peter had d-I-ed.

I asked what that meant.

He said he would tell me later.

 

* * *

  

Dear Diary,

I’ll never see Peter again…

I miss Dell…

 

* * *

 

 

Dear Diary,

I am in a private room. They call it quar-ant-tine. They said I may have what peter had. They said had Two-burk-you-low-sis. They also called it TB. Everyone looks weird.

 

* * *

 

 

Dear Diary,

The man who yells is in the pillow room. The pillow room is next to my room. I yell to him through the wall. I said what happened to peter. He said that happened in a place called Franse in your-up, when he was with the armee. He said he lost his lew-ten-ant to TB. Said it was a sickness that is easily caught. More so than a cold. I said the doctors and nurses were acting funny. He asked me what they were doing. I said they check everyone’s tem-per-at-ture-s and don’t let anyone share food or toys. He said they were scared. He said that TB spreads easily in this sort of place with closed in walls.

 

* * *

  

Dear Diary,

I tried to yell through the wall to the man. He didn’t yell back. He was silent. A nurse came by with a tray for me. I asked her if the man was ok. She said she would check. She walked out of the room. She screamed. She ran. She was acting strange. I guess she was this thing he called scared. She came back with Dr. Carl. He looked surprised. I managed to get out of my room without them noticing. The door to the room had a metal space that opened. It was like a mini door. They were looking through it. I did too. There was a hole in the pillowed walls. And it led to the outside.

The man with the shiny bowl on his head was gone.

I miss Dell…

 

* * *

 

 

Dear Diary,

I was told to go back to my room and rest. I didn’t have the TB. When I went back, my roommate was gone. I asked where she was. The nurse told me that she had passed on. I asked what she meant. She said she met god. I asked her if that meant she wasn’t coming back.

She said I’m afraid not.

Is meeting god scary? Maybe I don’t want to meet him…

 

* * *

 

 

Dear Diary,

I feel sad. I feel alone. I went to peter’s room and took his puzzles. I brought them to my room. I opened a box and threw the pieces on the smooth white floor. How odd.

The pieces were now a reddish brown, they looked like someone had painted on them. I started putting them together. They didn’t fit.

I tried again.

And again.

And again

And again…

 

* * *

  

Dear Diary,

I finished the puzzle. Peter wrote something on the puzzle after he was done. He did it with this brownish red dried paint.

It said [REDACTED]

Peter…I will.

 

* * *

 

 

Dear Diary,

I want to see Dell. The cold air boxes wont break. Its odd. He said he was there to fix may-ten-nance. What is that?

 

* * *

  

Dear Diary,

It means anything that breaks in this place. What else can I do?

 

* * *

 

 

Dear Diary,

The pipes broke suddenly.

Haha

 

* * *

  

Dear Diary,

A different man came. Not Dell. He too wore a red hat. I didn’t care. I asked him if he knew Dell. He said he did. I asked him where he was.

He said he was gone.

I asked where.

He said he got a job somewhere else.

I asked where.

He said he didn’t know.

My chest hurts. It hurts all over. I feel sick. I feel alone. I feel squished. I feel something tightening.

Someone is screaming.

Dr. Carl is holding me down.

The person screaming is me.

 

* * *

 

 

Dear Diary,

I’m in the pillow room. I’ve been bad, Dr. Carl says. I’m angry. I’m sad. I’m lonely.  No one comes in here to talk or touch. No one put their arms around me.

I miss Peter.

I miss Dell.

I miss the man with the shiny bowl for a hat.

I miss Dell.

I miss my roommate, even if they tried to make me d-I.

I miss Dell.

 

* * *

  

Dear Diary,

I made friends with the mice. They showed me their house. It’s a hole in the pillows. I talk to the mice. They show me how to make a hole. I make one too. They tell me to cover the hole with my body. So no one will find it.

 

* * *

 

 

Dear Diary,

The hole can hold my hand. Its big. There are strings inside. I try to pull, but the mice tell me not to. They said to wait.

Alright.

 

* * *

 

Dear Diary,

I open the hole more. I smile with glee.

Color! Oh mice, you really are my friends! Red and green and blue and yellow strings! The white strings I don’t care about. The mice say I should wait. Wait for the right time.

Wait for what, I ask. Wait for them to tell me when.

Alright.

 

* * *

  

Dear Diary,

The mice hid in my pockets. They said it was time. They said pull the strings. I tried. They didn’t come out. They said harder. I did. Still nothing. I pulled as hard as I could. They broke. Little white balls flashed and the light from the hall went out. The small dots of white light went everywhere. The mice told me to not touch them. The white lights landed on some fluff from the walls.

**RAINBOWS!**


	2. 1968 Hypnosis Therapy Sessions of Patient 22156

_ January 28, 1968 _

Frosier: You will wake up in three…two…one…Can you hear my voice?

22156: Yes…

Frosier: Are you nice and relaxed?

22156: Yes…

Frosier: Lets talk about the rainbows again.

22156: The world is pretty white. I only say pretty because it’s a lot. Not because it’s actually _pretty_ or anything. It’s just dull, worn, and…well, white? I don’t know… I didn’t know what all the fuss was about. I just wanted nice colors! Make it more pretty and stuff! With everything being white and dull, why can’t I make the pillow room or the hall pretty? How was I supposed to know that all those colors and rainbows had a mind of their own and wanted to spread? How was I supposed to know that rainbows can color people? How was I supposed to know that when rainbows eat people, they go to sleep forever? I just wanted a little color…how was I supposed to know…that it makes people die…?

Frosier: And you say you just see rainbows?

22156: Yes…they are really pretty…

Frosier: Do you see anything else?

22156: No…

Frosier: Lets talk about Lakeside…your life before you came here.

22156: It was…everything was white.

Frosier: And did that bother you?

22156: Yes…

Frosier: Bother you enough to want to color everything in these rainbows?

22156: No…

Frosier: Why not?

22156: I didn’t mean to…

Frosier: What didn’t you mean to do?

22156: To color the walls and people. I didn’t know rainbows move.

Frosier: So you made them accidentally.

22156: Yes…no? I…I don’t know…they didn’t tell me it makes rainbows…

Frosier: What? What makes rainbows?

22156: The colorful strings in the walls…I didn’t know they…I didn’t know the white and orange specks would make rainbows.

Frosier: Strings in the walls?

22156: Yes. The strings that made the lights shine in the hall…outside the pillow room.

Frosier: I see…how did you get to them?

22156: I pulled at the pillows. The mice told me how…they were my friends.

Frosier: Could the mice talk to you?

22156: Yes…they showed me the color strings…

Frosier: Did they tell you anything else?

22156: They told me to wait…wait for a little while…and then pull them…

Frosier: And from them, came the rainbows.

22156: No. White and orange light came. They touched the white fluff from the pillows. Then the rainbows came.

Frosier: What happened then?

22156: I was happy…but the mice told me to get out…

Frosier: The mice…they told you to get out of what?

22156: The pillow room…

Frosier: Did you get out?

22156: Yes…

Frosier: How did you get out?

22156: …

Frosier: How did you get out?

22156: …I still want the rainbows…

Frosier: Thank you…you will now fall asleep in 3…2…1

 

* * *

 

 

_ February 4, 1968 _

Frosier: You will wake up in three…two…one…Can you hear my voice?

22156: Yes…

Frosier: Are you nice and relaxed?

22156: Yes…

Frosier: Lets talk about Dell…you mentioned him once to Matilda.

22156: …Matilda?

Frosier: Your toy bear. The one we gave you.

22156: I wasn’t talking to the bear. I don’t like that bear.

Frosier: Why not?

22156: It’s not a friend.

Frosier: How is it not a friend? She’s very friendly and-

22156: It watches me…I don’t like it.

Frosier: Does it scare you?

22156: The man with the metal bowl hat asked me once if I was ever scared. I don’t know what that is.

Frosier: You don’t…when you say you don’t know… does that mean you’ve never felt scared?

22156: I don’t know what it feels like to be scared…

Frosier: Well…does the bear make you want to run? Get away from it?

22156: No.

Frosier: Did your old roommate…the one who choked you and hit you…did she ever make you feel small or helpless? Did she ever make you feel like you want to run away?

22156: They.

Frosier: …what?

22156: It was they. They.

Frosier: What?

22156: My old roommate who choked me was a they. There were two people in one body.

Frosier: …I see. Did they ever make you feel like that?

22156: Like what?

Frosier: Small, helpless, or weak. Or did you ever want to run away because you felt those things?

22156: No. I just didn’t like it.

Frosier: You didn’t even feel any of those things when she-

22156: They.

Frosier: _They_ tried to kill you?

22156: No. I just didn’t like the hurt. I wanted to sleep. So I did…but I couldn’t control the blackness. It just came.

Frosier: I see…tell me, did Dr. Carl ever make you sleep?

22156: He made the darkness come once.

Frosier: What happened?

22156: He…I don’t remember. But I remember waking up.

Frosier: What did you see?

22156: I can’t tell you.

Frosier: Why not?

22156: Dr. Carl said not to.

Frosier: Why would he say that?

22156: He said people in the outside wouldn’t understand. He was acting strange. He was what you call, scared, I think.

Frosier: Well…I’m here to help you. And in order for me to help…I have to know what he was doing. What did he do?

22156: …

Frosier: What did he do?

22156: …He had knitting needles…

Frosier: He...had knitting needles?

22156: They were bright colors…and had a handle. He also had a toy hammer.

Frosier: …He was holding them?

22156: He was holding them in my eyes…They were in my eyes…it hurt…

Frosier: And you weren’t scared?

22156: I don’t…I don’t remember that…I don’t know. I just hurt. Then he yelled for a nurse and she stabbed me with a smaller needle.

Frosier: Did he do this to anyone else?

22156: He did this a lot…no one woke up but me. He made me not say anything to anyone.

Frosier: Did you?

22156: No.

Frosier: Why?

22156: Because he said he would hurt me. I don’t like hurt.

Frosier: And you were not scared?

22156: No. I just didn’t like the hurt. No one likes the hurt.

Frosier: …We…We went off topic. We were…uh…talking about…uh…

22156: You’re acting like him…

Frosier: Like who?

22156: Like Dr. Carl when I first asked about the rainbows. Are you scared?

Frosier: …no. no, just concerned.

22156: …liar.

Frosier: Now don’t be difficult.

22156: …Fine…

Frosier: Thank you…you will now fall asleep in 3…2…1

 

* * *

  

_ February 11, 1968 _

Frosier: You will wake up in three…two…one…Can you hear my voice?

22156: Yes…

Frosier: Are you nice and relaxed?

22156: Yes…

Frosier: Lets talk about Dell. We tried that last time and we got off topic. Let’s try and stay on the topics at hand this time.

22156: Fine.

Frosier: Don’t be difficult, now.

22156: I said fine.

Frosier: …lets talk about Dell. Not only have you spoken of him before to…well, you say not the bear, but something-

22156: I talk to myself.

Frosier: Oh? Clears your head?

22156: In the large white house, they gave us journals to write in our thoughts. It helps me.

Frosier: How does it help you?

22156: Keeps my mind here.

Frosier: Here? Where would it go?

22156: Somewhere nice. Lots of colors.

Frosier: Rainbows?

22156: Yes.

Frosier: I see. And you wrote down what happened that day?

22156: Or happening now. Like in the pillow room.

Frosier: Your room here?

22156: No, the one at the large white house. Only my journal was not there. And I didn’t have a crayon.

Frosier: Then how did you write?

22156: When I scratched at the pillow walls…red paint came out of my hands with the hurt. I used that to write on the floor. It dries a dirty brown color, though…

Frosier: I see…and if you don’t write your thoughts down, you go to this nice land full of rainbows?

22156: Yes.

Frosier: Is Dell there?

22156: …

Frosier: Why wont you talk about Dell? Did Dr. Carl not want you to tell anyone about him too?

22156: Dr. Carl didn’t like me talking to Dell.

Frosier: Would Dr. Carl hurt you if you talked to him?

22156: No.

Frosier: Who is Dell?

22156: …

Frosier: Come on, who is Dell to you?

22156: …

Frosier: Who is Dell?

22156: He’s gone.

Frosier: Who? Dell?

22156: Yes. He left.

Frosier: Just now?

22156: No.

Frosier: When?

22156: Before the pipes suddenly broke…hahaha…I miss him…

Frosier: …um, you miss Dell?

22156: Yes.

Frosier: How often?

22156: All the time.

Frosier: Would you like to see him?

22156: Yes.

Frosier: Tell you what. If you tell me the things I want to know, I will find this Dell and bring him here.

22156: …Can you do that?

Frosier: Yes…

22156: …Liar…

Frosier: …Thank you…you will now fall asleep in 3…2…1

 

* * *

 

 

_ February 18, 1968 _

Frosier: You will wake up in three…two…one…Can you hear my voice?

22156: Yes…

Frosier: Are you nice and relaxed?

22156: Yes…

Frosier: Lets talk about this world you go to. What does it look like?

22156: Colorful.

Frosier: With lots of rainbows?

22156: Yes.

Frosier: Is it anything else?

22156: Yes…

Frosier: What else?

22156: Hills…hills of grass…with candy.

Frosier: What kind of candy?

22156: Any…just sweet…with flowers

Frosier: Anything else?

22156: There’s…a pretty river

Frosier: Oh? There’s water?

22156: Yes.

Frosier: Even though water takes away the rainbows?

22156: It does?

Frosier: Yes.

22156: Oh…but I like water.

Frosier: You can like both, you know.

22156: …Ok.

Frosier: Let’s talk about the big white house. You made rainbows by yourself.

22156: Yes! In the pillow room.

Frosier: After you made the rainbows, what happened?

22156: It was really hot. I didn’t like the hot. I like warm. Not hot. The colors were so pretty though…

Frosier: Did you try to get away from the hot?

22156: No.

Frosier: Why?

22156: The nurse pulled me out. She wanted the rainbows to go away.

Frosier: Did she destroy the rainbows?

22156: No…

Frosier: What happened?

22156: I tried to make her see the pretty colors. And not be scared.

Frosier: What did you do?

22156: Nothing…the rainbows just came to her.

Frosier: And they spread to her?

22156: Yes…she screamed and ran around. The rainbows painted the walls…I didn’t know. I didn’t know it kills people.

Frosier: No, of course not… what happened after that?

22156: I was surprised. I didn’t like it. I didn’t like that rainbows kill people.

Frosier: You were angry?

22156: Yes…

Frosier: What did you do?

22156: I went to Dr. Carl’s office.

Frosier: While the rainbows were spreading?

22156: Yes.

Frosier: I see…what happened when you got to the office?

22156: He was in there, with his small white stick with the rainbow on the end. I was angry. He was surprised to see me. He also looked scared.

Frosier: Then what happened?

22156: …

Frosier: what happened?

22156: …

Frosier: what happ- are you even listening?

22156: …

Frosier: …you will now fall asleep in 3…2…1

 

* * *

  

_ February 25, 1968 _

Frosier: You will wake up in three…two…one…Can you hear my voice?

22156: Yes…

Frosier: Are you nice and relaxed?

22156: Yes…

Frosier: Lets talk about Dr. Carl…when you went into his office. What happened after you came into his office?

22156: He got up…and yelled at me. He was sacred.

Frosier: You know he was scared?

22156: He looked like it, and I have been thinking about it.

Frosier: About other people being scared?

22156: Yes…everyone is scared of me.

Frosier: That’s not true.

22156: It is. Even you are scared of me…only Dell ever changed.

Frosier: You mean…this Dell was afraid of you at one time?

22156: When I first talked to him…but then he wasn’t anymore.

Frosier: Why do you say that? What caused the change?

22156: …

Frosier: …lets get back to the office. Dr. Carl yelled at you. What happened then?

22156: I was angry. Mad that he didn’t tell me that rainbows killed people. I argued with him about it.

Frosier: What did he say?

22156: He said that…that I was an idiot…a freak…that I was crazy.

Frosier: And did that make you even more angry?

22156: No…that wasn’t what made me mad. He said that I was a mistake…that I was supposed to be cured…instead he was stuck with me…

Frosier: Cured? Cured of what?

22156: I guess I was there for a reason…I don’t know why…maybe that was what he tried to fix…

Frosier: What was he trying to cure?

22156: I don’t remember…I…I forgot…I forgot. My roommate said I forgot something.

Frosier: What-

22156: They said I had forgotten something. Something important. The voices told her. That must be it! what I forgot! Who I was before I went to the large white house!

Frosier: SECURITY!

 

* * *

 

 

_ March 3, 1968 _

Frosier: You will wake up in three…two…one…Can you hear my voice?

22156: …

Frosier: Are you nice and relaxed?

22156: …

Frosier: not talking today?

22156: …

Frosier: come now, surely you have something to say.

22156: …

Frosier: are you even here?

22156: …

Frosier: are you off in your own little world with rainbows?

22156: …

Frosier: …you will now fall asleep in 3…2…1

 

* * *

 

 

_ March 10, 1968 _

Frosier: You will wake up in three…two…one…Can you hear my voice?

22156: …

Frosier: Are you nice and relaxed?

22156: …

Frosier: Still not talking?

22156: …

Frosier: …you will now fall asleep in 3…2…1

 

* * *

 

 

_ May 25, 1968 _

Frosier: You will wake up in three…two…one…Can you hear my voice?

22156: …

Frosier: Are you nice and relaxed?

22156: …

Frosier: its been two months. Still have nothing to say?

22156: …

Frosier: I know you hear me.

22156: …

Frosier: why are you ignoring me?

22156: …

Frosier: …you will now fall asleep in 3…2…1

 

* * *

 

  _June 29, 1968_

Frosier: You will wake up in three…two…one…Can you hear my voice?

22156: …

Frosier: Are you nice and relaxed?

22156: …

Frosier: still nothing?

22156: …

Frosier: I’m getting tired of this.

22156: …

Frosier: …you will now fall asleep in 3…2-

22156: I made him feel what I felt…

Frosier: …who?

22156: Dr. Carl…I made him feel my hurt.

Frosier: …how…how did you do that?

22156: I put needles in his eyes and hit them with a hammer…just like he did to me…just like he did to everyone…

Frosier: …

22156: I’ve been doing a lot of thinking…Dr. Carl used to say that it was bad for me…

Frosier: …

22156: but he was a liar…

Frosier: …

22156: just like you…

Frosier: w-what is that?

22156: your tiny silver rainbow box…Dr. Carl used them to color his white sticks of smoke.

Frosier: y-you will now fall asleep-

22156: why are you scared?

Frosier: in th-three-

22156: it’s just rainbows…

Frosier: t-two…

22156: I’m just returning it to you.

_(screaming, feedback)_


	3. The Edited Diary of Prison Inmate #666

_The Edited Diary of Prison Inmate # 666 at the Kansas National Institution of the Criminally Insane_

**_ Read at your own risk _ **

* * *

 

3

Its too hot here. It’s dry. I’m thirsty. I want the cold air…

Dell…I want Dell…

 

4

They gave me this book to write…like in the big white house. This one is like it. But its grey. And dark. And dirty. And loud.

They wont let me talk to other people. I don’t have a roommate. I am alone…

Dell…

 

5

People in the next rooms are loud. They yell a lot. They yell like that man with the metal bowl for a hat. But they are mean. They yell mean things.

They say fuck.

I was choked for saying fuck.

Saying fuck is not good.

I don’t like my neighbors.

I like Dell…

 

6

The food is bitter. And it’s gross. It tastes like…

Yucky.

Its grey like the walls.

I want color…

I want Dell…

 

7

I sweat all the time.

Its too hot here.

I want the cold air.

I want colors.

I want Dell…

 

8

I miss light.

I miss bright light.

I miss Dell.

 

9

The man next door started yelling at me. He called me Bich. Says I am his bich. I don’t like that word. It doesn’t sound nice. I see his eyes look at me through the crossy bar window. They are pink where they should be white. There’s no color in his eyes. They are just black.

I don’t like it.

They aren’t blue like the sky. They aren’t blue like Dell’s…

I miss Dell…

 

10

The man next door hits the crossy bar window a lot. He does it more when I look at him.

He says he wants to get in here. Says he wants his dick in me.

I don’t know what he’s talking about.

I miss Dell…

 

11

The man next door says he wants to know me. He yells that he wants to know my body. He says I am his bich. I don’t want to know him. Or his body.

I can smell it through the crossy bar window.

I like how Dell smells. Smelled like the sun and the earth and paper. He smelled nice…

I miss Dell…

 

19

The man next to me spat at me. It got in my eye. I got mad. I could smell his spit on me. It was gross like the food.

I yelled at him.

He yelled back.

I called him mean.

He called me his Bich.

I said I wasn’t a Bich.

He said I looked like one.

I said I didn’t care.

He was being mean.

I yelled at him that he should go away.

He said when he drops dead.

I miss Dell.

 

27

He yells all the time now. I don’t want to say anything. I go to my little world. These words are supposed to keep me here, but I don’t _want_ to be here. I want to be in my world. Its happy there.

Dell is there…

 

34

My skin is oily. I have been washed twice since I’ve been here. I feel yucky. I want a bath. With bubbles and foam and a little rubber ducky.

And I want Dell to brush my hair. And tell me how his day is. And how he fixed things. And what he makes to make people happy.

He wont have to make anything to make me happy. Just him will do.

 

36

The man next door is yelling that he wants to know me. I just stare up at the ceiling.

There’s a yellow light bulb in a lamp from the ceiling. It hurts my eyes. But there is something there…

Dell would know what it was.

 

39

It’s a string. Like the color strings in the walls. Only it shines. Those little light specks made rainbows. They make people die.

The man said he would go away if he drops dead….

I miss Dell…

 

40

I have to break it. Its high. I’m short.

Dell was short too.

 

41

I have it. I will get on my bed and I will swing on it. break the clear sharp glass. Get the light string and throw it at the loud man.

Rainbows will come and make him drop dead.

I miss Dell.

 

42

My hands hurt. They are red. They are black. My skin is crispy and peeling.

Rainbows are pretty. I like rainbows. Rainbows are my friend.

They made the man drop dead.

I was happy. But I hurt.

The man in blue and silver with a black stick wasn’t happy. He made me hurt more.

I hope Dell is happy, wherever he is.

 

43

I hurt. He hit me a lot. My eyes hurt. He hit them. I look in the mirror. They are black. My eyes are black. Like a raccoon. They hurt.

My hands are covered in white cloth. They hurt.

I hope Dell isn’t hurting.

 

49

My eyes are still black. I am still a raccoon. Raccoons are cute. I must be cute too!

Dell is cute.

 

50

Dell isn’t cute. He is more. I don’t know how to describe him.

I want a hug from Dell.

 

66

My hands are still covered. But they don’t hurt. Writing is hard.

I want Dell to help me. I want him to teach me things. I want him to help me spell. I want him to tell me other words that mean cute only more cute. I want him to teach me everything.

He has 11 phds. They call him smarty pants at parties. He can teach me these things.

 

79

the white cloths came off. My hands are now bumpy. They have lines that stick out. They are pink and white. My nails are gone.

But my black eyes are still there. I am a raccoon still. I am still cute.

 

88

I have a new man next door. He’s a boy. He is young. He is angry. But he is angry at someone. He hits the walls a lot. He is mad all the time. He doesn’t yell. He screams. But he isn’t just mad.

He is sad.

 

89

I asked him if he was sad. He glared at me. Told me to shut the fuck up. I told him that wasn’t a nice word. He said get over it. I asked him what I was supposed to get over. There were no bridges.

He stared at me.

I miss Dell.

 

90

He cries at night. He really is sad. But he wont say he is. I hear him talk too. He talks while he cries. He asks no one why his dad didn’t care. He asks why logi got a dad who cares.

What is a logi?

I wanted to ask Dell.

 

91

I asked him what logi is. He stared at me.

He didn’t say.

I miss Dell.

 

92

The boy was quiet today.

I miss Dell’s voice.

 

93

The boy said Logi was a who. Said he was his younger brother. Logi has a dad who cares. He does not.

I asked why their father loved one son but not another.

He said they have different fathers.

I asked what that meant.

He said his Ma fucked with different men and had eight kids with different men.

I said fuck wasn’t a nice word.

He said get over it.

I said there were no bridges to go over.

He smiled.

He said his name is Oliver.

Dell is a nicer name

 

94

he asked me what I was in here for.

I said I was not sure.

He asked how.

I said I just made rainbows and people are scared of them.

He said rainbows make Logi cry. He started laughing.

I said rainbows made my hands the way they are.

He stopped laughing.

I wish I heard Dell laugh more.

 

95

I asked him why he was here.

He said it was because he was in a gang.

I asked what a gang was.

He said it was a bunch of badass guys who go around and kick people’s ass-s for fun.

I asked if that got him in trouble.

He said only if you get caught.

I asked if he got caught.

He said he was, and they made him do a mental health test.

They call him a sociopath*.

I asked him what that meant.

He said it means he hurts people out of instinct and to get even with the world for giving him a shity life.

I asked him if he was sorry for what he did.

He said he was only sorry he was caught.

I’m sorry Dell didn’t say goodbye.

 

107

Oliver asked me why I had black eyes. I said it was because of the man in blue with the black stick. I said I made rainbows make the man before him drop dead.  I said he hurt me because I was bad.

He asked me why I made him drop dead.

I said he called me his bich and I didn’t like it. I said he said he wanted a bich. Whatever that meant.

Oliver got mad. He said I wasn’t bad. I was right for killing him. I said I didn’t kill him. I just made him drop dead. Its not the same.

He said I meant to make him drop dead. So that means I killed him.

You learn something every day, they say.

I wish I learnt that from Dell.

 

108

Oliver asked if I was mad I had black eyes. I said no. I said it made me like a raccoon. I said raccoons were cute, so I must be too. He smiled at me. But he was sad. I heard him crying a little that night.

 

109

Oliver gets to leave his room. I don’t. I ask him about the outside. He says its turning colder.

Dell always made the cold air come back…

 

127

Oliver said it was his birthday. He was 21 now. He said his brother Logi is still 18. He said he is 2 and half years younger. He says he wanted a beer.

Instead they gave him chocolate. He gave me half.

It was so sweet! It almost hurt my mouth how sweet! It was amazing! I loved it! It went away too soon…

Dell was really sweet…

 

155

Oliver had a visitor today. She wore purple. She wore glasses. She had a board like Dr. Carl. She called herself Miss Paw-ling. She said she had a job for Oliver if he wanted out of this place. He looked happy. He said yes. She said she would be back later.

I said I was happy he gets to go.

He turned sad. He asked what about me. I said I was going to stay here for now.

He didn’t say anything.

 

162

The purple lady came back. She brought papers. He wasn’t smiling. Oliver said he wasn’t signing them or leaving without Pyro.

Pyro? What’s a Pyro?

The purple lady looked at him and asked him who that was.

Oliver pointed to me.

I am Pyro?

Purple lady looked at me. She smiled at me. I waved back. She said she would be back.

 

169

The purple lady came back. She said I could leave too. She said she had a job for me. A job all about rainbows. I listened.

She said I could go outside and eat whatever I wanted and make as much rainbows as I liked. I asked if I could go anywhere. She said I could go anywhere on my day off from work.

I sighed.

She asked me why I wanted to go anywhere.

I said I wanted to go find Dell. One day in a year is not enough time to find Dell…

She asked who Dell was. I said he was my friend in the big white house.

She smiled at me.

She asked if it was Dell Conagher.

I looked up. I was shocked.

She took out a thicker folded paper that was tan. She held out a small picture.

It was Dell…my Dell…

She asked me if I wanted to see him.

I said I wanted to see him every day.

She said she could do that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Sociopathy is /not/ the same thing as psychopathy, and cannot be switched between the two. Sociopath is more erratic and doesn't often think or plan ahead. Furthermore, environment and and upbringing can be contributing factors to the development of Sociopathy. A Sociopath can empathize with people, and has a conscience. However, a Psychopath does not.

**Author's Note:**

> *Lakeway is a an area very near Bee Cave, Texas, and has a considerably small population. Whether there actually is an Asylum there is beyond my knowledge.
> 
> * Lobotomies are high risk procedures, and were very commonly done to patients diagnosed with insanity. At the time, people were getting desperate to find cures for insanity. This desperation caused recklessness and inhuman practices to be placed upon patients. And since they were insane, they were often taken to be less than human anyway. (If you get queasy easily, don’t read the rest of this paragraph). Lobotomies entailed lifting the eyelid, slipping a long thin spike (ice picks were often used) above the eyeball and below the surrounding flesh of the eye socket and pushing upwards at a 45º (degree) angle until the tip brushed against the thin and fragile bone surface that separates the brain from the eye socket. The Doctor would then take a blunt end of a tool (or a small hammer) and tap the end of the spike to break into the bone to break through and reach the frontal lobe of the brain. Lastly, the doctor would then scrape away the connections of the prefrontal cortex, destroying parts or all of the frontal lobe, depending upon what the patient was suffering from. Lobotomies were often done without anesthetics, but instead done when the patient had gone through high doses Electro-convulsive shocks to subdue them. They still could feel everything, but their body was unable to react.


End file.
